say yes.

i want to say i hate this but it’s such a weak word 

and these feelings are so much stronger than the need to be concerned

with my own aversion for the situation and the way we’ve been relating 

and coexisting/fishing for what we’re missing 

in the mouths of nameless strangers

create diversions to mask uncertainty

what was once so fully worth it to me is undeserving of me

and honestly, it’s hurting me

cause jars and jars of promises sit unopened/unattended

i wish i’d known your love was bound be so open ended 

and that you’d let me let my guard down when you knew you couldn’t defend it

and all the time we spent together you were really just pretending

that someday i’d be the one you want we’d grow into each other

physically tall/emotionally small,you were looking for a mother

but i’ve got a little boy and he’s more grown than you’re capable

and the fact that you broke his heart isn’t only unforgivable it’s hateful

and despicable and evil and i don’t care about me Joe 

but when you tell him that you love him you’ve got to be for real

you’ve got to be accountable and honorable and honest and FAITHFUL

because i won’t be with a man who’s any less than what i’m able

to admire and be inspired by he’ll open my heart and open my mind’s eye 

and he won’t be defined by my presence in his life

or seek to leave his mark on me - 

unless expanding exponentially

the horizons of my mind or the ocean of my capacity

to love another person despite the circumstances 

and not only because i’m a hopeless romantic

but it’s gonna be so fucking real that i can’t even stand it

and not because he buys me things then thinks he can command it

but it will flow from a wellspring that’s never ever ending

and we’ll tell each other truths and god, that’s so refreshing

and i’ll rest easier at night knowing someone really gets me

because i’ve been waiting for so long and now i’m finally ready

and i hope you’re hungry enough to eat every last lie

and please don’t talk with your mouth full, it’s really impolite

you’ll be okay, don’t beg me to stay, you know i have to leave

i have to get out because i can barely breathe

and despite all we’ve been through, you still don’t even see

that saying no to you means saying yes to me.

but darling, i've never been more sure/you're the choice i made before i knew what all the other choices were.

like tiny air bubbles slowly rising from the bottom of a glass, i feel this excitement spreading throughout my entire body - rapidly reaching millions of tiny fingertips, extending even beyond my insides, out into the ether.

i know that everything is going to be okay.

more than okay. great, even. perfect.

suddenly, even breathing is a joy. i'm so grateful to be alive, living this experience of what it's like to be in this body, with this mind and this heart. and words cannot express how thankful i am to know YOU - with your unique mind and your big heart. thank you for being here.

your presence lets me know that i am not alone. that i must have done/am doing something right. that we're all in this together, and it doesn't have to be such a struggle. when we stop resisting, when we submit, we follow the natural ebb and flow, and drift to safety. when we struggle, we're dozens of times more likely to be pulled under.

what and where are you resisting in your life? can you let it go, even if only for a moment? try it on for size - i bet you'll like it.

the past four days, i've been teaching myself to relax, to be at peace with doing nothing. i've realized the value of doing "nothing" - and will now create space for "nothing" one day a week. i've realized the importance of being kind to myself, and that i don't need to feel guilty for taking some time off for myself. i smile more, laugh more, think more, do more (when i go back to doing "something"), love more -- LIVE MORE. and then i can give more.

wherever you are, whatever you're doing - stop. just take a minute to breathe a few breaths and experience the wonder of your life. if things are going too fast, this is an incredible way to slow them down. if things aren't going fast enough, this is a way to get in touch with yourself, to connect with the consciousness that will manifest your wildest dreams and beyond.

know that you are never alone, and that what you are looking for will most certainly find you when you're ready.

je t'aime avec tous mon coeur. namaste.

on hope.

sadness is nothing more than the cost of being able to smile once in awhile.

and it's calm under the waves/in the blue of my oblivion

waking up in a new city.

this morning i took ten deep breaths, and i still could not get quite enough of the air to feel satiated. the oxygen is different here. thick, moist, nourishing. i'm feeding my soul when i breathe, it would seem.

as i rolled over and opened my eyes, i ran my tongue over my lips and was greeted warmly by a soft salt sting; an indelible mark that the ocean leaves on both old friends and new lovers alike.

victoria feels like coming home.

i'm not quite sure what to write about this morning - i've been afforded the luxury of six or eight hours of mindblowing, stimulating conversation and i feel spent. in the best way possible.

i think that when you have expectations of things or people, it really closes the door for a lot of magic to happen. when we let go of our preconceived notions or our tendencies to judge/categorize people and put them in little boxes, so we feel comfortable in relation to them -- we not only give people the opportunity to pleasantly surprise us, but we also increase the potential for real, solid connection. getting to know someone at the soul level. creating safe space for people to be just who they really are - when we live frenetically, love unapologetically, we are a bright shining star, a beacon, calling people home.

i fall in love with people daily. i see the beauty, the inherent good in everyone - and i am ever so grateful for those who live with their minds open, and their hearts not only on their sleeves, but in their outstretched hands, offering some to anyone and everyone that might need a little more love. thank you.

i see the god in you.

namaste.