megalopolis

if you see me, keep on walking

don't plead, please, you're too good at talking

but your words don't hold weight, they're just the things you say when

you're looking for entertainment

if you hear this, turn it low

don't try to resist, just go

i don't believe it but i know

she's getting in the way

you're never one to stay

home

i don't reach for you when i wake anymore

i can't breathe for you, these lungs are so sore

and i won't bleed for you, that's what your veins are for

she's more

suited than i am

she'll make you a better man

so go

home

it seems funny to me that i wrote this about someone hurting me, and that i managed to hurt someone/destroy a close friendship in the process of moving on from that pain. argh, people - why aren't we less ignorant and more careful?

you'll probably never see this, but just in case you do -- i'm so sorry i wasn't more careful. i'm sorry i was so naive. i'm sorry i couldn't be who you wanted me to be, for you. and i'm really sorry because our band would have been incredible. thank you for your contributions to my life - i wouldn't be the same without knowing you.

sleep is, indeed, for the weak

because that's precisely where no sleep gets you! And, as I've recently come to find out, no time to rest or relax has basically the same effect.

I desperately wanted so many things for my children. Breastfeeding, co-sleeping, growing up well-adjusted and intelligent and considerate and polite and the list just goes on... I am realizing, rather sadly, that Nevaeh is too much of a pompous douche to allow for any of what I'd hoped. What a fucking jerk.

I've been trying to put Nevaeh on a "gentle" sleep schedule - one that does not involve leaving your baby to "cry it out," as I've never been a fan of any sleep trainer using that method. BUT SERIOUSLY?! Tomorrow, tomorrow (I always say tomorrow). But tomorrow, Nevaeh is going to start crying it out at naptime. If she doesn't show marked improvement in 5 days, fuck it, we'll try another way - but something's gotta give here.

It's 3:17pm. I haven't been able to shower, brush my teeth, or do much of anything other than take care of a cranky baby who refuses to nap. Now, this is fairly commonplace when one has a young baby...but Nevaeh is five months old!! You'd think I'd be allowed some semblance of my life back at this point -- even merely the basic NECESSITIES, for goodness' sake!

Okay life - I am all up for grabbing you by the horns, and, dammit, ENJOYING you before I keel over in utter exhaustion and dissatisfaction from mothering this demanding, bratty, all-too-intelligently-manipulative child. Maybe I just need a nanny and two bottles of wine.